The True Visual Effects of Abuse

We never know the actual trauma and exact effects of abuse. It can hide in the darkest corners of your nearest neighborhood, your mayor's office, down the street at your local bar or even at your local church. Yes, violence can disguise itself in many shapes, many people, many experiences, and many opportunities. But let's be clear Abuse and Violence has no bias, it does not discriminate. It doesn't care of your age, your gender, your status, your political affiliation, your race, your religion, or your economic status. Violence is just Violence, it just plain hates, no matter the appearance of it. If we look at humanity throughout the ages, we can see that we have transformed ourself. We as humans have evolved into a species that has grasped the evolution of hatred and malice. And although there are particular occasions that we can show great feet of good loving kindness. We are starting to lose the inability to feel the basic instincts of great compassion. Sometimes, our mandate of un-remorseable lawlessness to appease our generation is stronger than that of human kindness. We make excuses for killing babies, we make excuses for sodomy and rapist and call them, "morally upright and law-abiding in life."
We even question the morality of the structure of human decency in the sanctity of marriages, families, the care of social equality and the treatment of each person principles. It has gotten necessary and disgusting that human life has taken a back seat because we like to use morality as the basis of our own platforms. Although, we see crying children, helpless mothers, gun violence, racial tension, religious divide, political indifferences, and human biases. I believe if we cannot take a grasp on these personal divides and agendas, we will never be able to take a hold on the issues of Domestic Violence. Ever. And the Issues of childhood trauma, suicide, and sexual trafficking; these issues are more significant than one group, one nation, and one person can undertake. We need personal deliverance and a personal manifestation of healing to this country like never before.
Martin Luther King said it best when he said,
" The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, 
begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.
Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.
Through violence, you may murder the liar,
but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.
Through violence, you may murder the hater,
but you do not murder hate.
In fact, violence merely increases hate.
So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

I got a fantastic opportunity to work with a great photographer in Connecticut  Nikki Lyn Amatruda, and her excellent work with the models and makeup artist in Connecticut for the Intimate Partner Violence PSA calendar,

I do have to warn you some pictures are very explicit in nature, so I AM PLACING A WARNING to anyone because of the graphic quality.  But what surprised me was the tenacity, the love, and compassion all these women and how they loved one another. I was touched by the loving kindness that each woman had for one another and how they reach out to share their stories. It really places this PSA at a particular moment in time to let the world know of what they faced. Many of them years before, many of them months earlier, and many of them just a couple of weeks, but we all can attest this is a time capsule of pain. Knowing that this pain is no longer available but tucked away until needed for our next advocacy moment. They were strong and purely spectacular women. I am so thankful to have known each and every one of them. If you get an opportunity please stop and check out Nikki's closer images online and many of these amazing women. I hope you will become part of the fantastic Domestic Violence Rally Movement. It has not been easy, but each voice together can mean a grand scale of a collective movement to show peoples stories. This Vigil in each state will show that we are going to seize anonymity and complacency and choose to stand for what is right and what is RIGHTEOUS.

God bless and stay safe in America.

                                                 PHOTOS BY   Nikki Lyn Amatruda

                                                                              Click the link to view larger photos.

                  

                                       

                   
                                                               

                                    

      

                      

                                                    

                                      
                                       

 

Your emotions do count!

Emotional Abuse

Is defined and may involve:

°Intimidation
°Threats
°Humiliation (name calling,shaming & embarrassing)
° Insults
°Pressure
°Destruction of property
°Control Even Isolation (from family, friends..etc.)

In www.psychcentral.com the author Maria Bogdanos defines it as follows:

"Signs of Emotional Abuse By MARIA BOGDANOS"

Emotional abuse is elusive. Unlike physical abuse, the people doing it and receiving it may not even know it’s happening.

It can be more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what we think about ourselves. It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.

The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions onto an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now causing them to harm others.

In the following areas, ask these questions to see if you are abusing or being abused:

1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing: Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?

Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?

When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”

Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

2. Domination, control, and shame: Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?

Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”

Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?

Do they control your spending?

Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?

Do they make you feel as though they are always right?

Do they remind you of your shortcomings?

Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?

Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings: Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?

Are they unable to laugh at themselves?

Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?

Do they have trouble apologizing?

Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?

Do they call you names or label you?

Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?

Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect: Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?

Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?

Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?

Do they not notice or care how you feel?

Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?

5. Codependence and enmeshment: Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?

Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?

Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?

Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

Maria Bogdanos is an emotional health coach.

If you feel like you are constantly doing a balancing act to make the person you are with happy then there is nothing you can say or do that will change their frame of thought. They must seek help and there is a chance. Many people who are emotionally abusing don't think or know they are doing anything wrong. Some may be unaware of their behaviour as being unacceptable. There is still an opportunity for those individuals to receive help and also for those who received the emotional abuse.

Many children fall victim to this kind of abuse. In turn they relay their frustrations in anger and will express themselves negatively by hurting others because they themselves are hurt.

The word wants us not to fall victim to idle words. It specifically says:

Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 12:18 ESV
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.

James 1:26 ESV
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

1 Peter 3:10 ESV
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;

If you are feeling emotionally worn please call one of the numbers on this site or visit www.psycentral.com and seek help.

You can also look under your local yellow pages and seek help.