Emotional Abuse
Is defined and may involve:
°Intimidation
°Threats
°Humiliation (name calling,shaming & embarrassing)
° Insults
°Pressure
°Destruction of property
°Control Even Isolation (from family, friends..etc.)
In www.psychcentral.com the author Maria Bogdanos defines it as follows:
"Signs of Emotional Abuse By MARIA BOGDANOS"
Emotional abuse is elusive. Unlike physical abuse, the people doing it and receiving it may not even know it’s happening.
It can be more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what we think about ourselves. It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.
The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions onto an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now causing them to harm others.
In the following areas, ask these questions to see if you are abusing or being abused:
1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing: Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?
Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?
When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?
Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”
Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?
2. Domination, control, and shame: Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?
Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”
Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?
Do they control your spending?
Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?
Do they make you feel as though they are always right?
Do they remind you of your shortcomings?
Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?
Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?
3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings: Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?
Are they unable to laugh at themselves?
Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?
Do they have trouble apologizing?
Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?
Do they call you names or label you?
Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?
Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?
4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect: Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?
Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?
Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?
Do they not notice or care how you feel?
Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?
5. Codependence and enmeshment: Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?
Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?
Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?
Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?
Maria Bogdanos is an emotional health coach.
If you feel like you are constantly doing a balancing act to make the person you are with happy then there is nothing you can say or do that will change their frame of thought. They must seek help and there is a chance. Many people who are emotionally abusing don't think or know they are doing anything wrong. Some may be unaware of their behaviour as being unacceptable. There is still an opportunity for those individuals to receive help and also for those who received the emotional abuse.
Many children fall victim to this kind of abuse. In turn they relay their frustrations in anger and will express themselves negatively by hurting others because they themselves are hurt.
The word wants us not to fall victim to idle words. It specifically says:
Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Proverbs 15:1 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 12:18 ESV
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
James 1:26 ESV
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.
1 Peter 3:10 ESV
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
If you are feeling emotionally worn please call one of the numbers on this site or visit www.psycentral.com and seek help.
You can also look under your local yellow pages and seek help.
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www.fft-helpingothers.com
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