BULLYING, Is never right at any age. Prt.1

Hello everyone. It's been a while but I wanted to get some research done before going into this topic of Bullying. There is so much information we will have to split it into a couple of parts.

Let's start with defining BULLYING. Many groups and the CDC define bullying as:

• Attack or intimidation with the intention to cause fear, distress, or harm that is either physical (hitting, punching), verbal (name calling, teasing), or psychological/relational (rumors, social exclusion);
• A real or perceived imbalance of power between the bully and the victim; and
• Repeated attacks or intimidation between the same children over time.

Stopbullying.gov states there are three types of bullying:

Types of Bullying 

There are three types of bullying:

• Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
  • Teasing
  • Name-calling
  • Inappropriate sexual comments
  • Taunting
  • Threatening to cause harm
• Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
  • Leaving someone out on purpose
  • Telling other children not to be friends with someone
  • Spreading rumors about someone
  • Embarrassing someone in public
• Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
• Hitting/kicking/pinching
• Spitting
• Tripping/pushing
• Taking or breaking someone’s things
• Making mean or rude hand gestures

The CDC defines that there are different types of bullies as well as bystanders:

• Aggressive= most common, hot tempered, belligerent, fearless and lacking in empathy for others
• Passive Bullies=tend to be insecure, less popular than aggressive bully, low self esteem, few like able qualities and will not initiate bullying but will align with more aggressive bullies.
• Victim Bullies= those who have been bullied themselves and feel the need to bully others who are weaker than themselves

The Social Culture cycle of Bullying begins with:

                                                                     

                                                                     

                                                                    

A person or persons intentionally using physical force to threaten or actually impose against another person that could result in likelihood of body harm, injury, psychological harm or deprivation can cause many issues to our society.

Youth violence and/or Bullying can have a long lasting impact on communities as a whole.
It increases health care cost, reduces employment productivity, decreases property values and disrupts social scale of society.
Bullying in its most common form is mostly found within our schools, communities and now even our work force. We will go into these subjects further as we go deeper into Bullying.

Although the word bully is not said in the bible, it is although widely discussed in many scriptures and discussed in many stories in the Bible. David and Goliath is a wonderful story and interpretation of this. Goliath being a giant Philistine warrior as the story states was prideful and boastful enticing one of the Israelites to come an battle him and telling them to send out a champion of their own to decide the outcome in single combat. He wanted to show  the Israelites the might of the Philistine. Many know the story that David volunteered and with a sling shot and five stones from a brook, killed and defeated Goliath. Thus the Philistine army fled.

I am not in any way saying we must pick up stones and start throwing them at out aggressors but as David he trusted in the Lord for wisdom and guidance. Sometimes the best thing to do and the wises is get help. Many men in the bible called out to the Lord for his help (David, Moses, Jonah, Samson,Saul, Abraham, Joshua, Jesus and much more). 

We have to remember some of these battles God gave instructions what they should do to win. Some battles the children of God needed just to trust in the Lord and the battle would be won without them even lifting a finger. 
Although it is difficult the situations we are facing and find it hard to trust because the situations seem bleak we must learn that God would never give us more than we can handle. We must trust in him and know he is God.

The word of God says:

Romans 12:19-20 ESV 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Psalm 1:1-150:6 ESV

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; ...

Proverbs 6:16-19 ESV 

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers                                                                          

                                                                           

Matthew 5:43-48 ESV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ...

Leviticus 19:18 ESV 

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord    

These are just a few of the scriptures, there are many more. I encourage you to get into your word and search out ALL these scriptures and meditate on God's word about this very important issue.

I want to end this part with one more thing:

IF YOU ARE BEING BULLIED AND NEED TO SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY PLEASE:

CALL 911

OR 

Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline online or at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

OR 

1-800-FYI-CALL
OR 
Talk to your counselor, teacher, parents, principal, school superintendent, State Department of Education or U.S. Department of Justice

REMEMBER:

Ephesians 5:8-14 ESV 

For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. ..                                                                  

                                                                                                           

Your emotions do count!

Emotional Abuse

Is defined and may involve:

°Intimidation
°Threats
°Humiliation (name calling,shaming & embarrassing)
° Insults
°Pressure
°Destruction of property
°Control Even Isolation (from family, friends..etc.)

In www.psychcentral.com the author Maria Bogdanos defines it as follows:

"Signs of Emotional Abuse By MARIA BOGDANOS"

Emotional abuse is elusive. Unlike physical abuse, the people doing it and receiving it may not even know it’s happening.

It can be more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what we think about ourselves. It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.

The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions onto an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now causing them to harm others.

In the following areas, ask these questions to see if you are abusing or being abused:

1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing: Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?

Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?

When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”

Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

2. Domination, control, and shame: Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?

Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”

Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?

Do they control your spending?

Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?

Do they make you feel as though they are always right?

Do they remind you of your shortcomings?

Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?

Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings: Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?

Are they unable to laugh at themselves?

Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?

Do they have trouble apologizing?

Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?

Do they call you names or label you?

Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?

Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect: Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?

Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?

Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?

Do they not notice or care how you feel?

Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?

5. Codependence and enmeshment: Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?

Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?

Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?

Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

Maria Bogdanos is an emotional health coach.

If you feel like you are constantly doing a balancing act to make the person you are with happy then there is nothing you can say or do that will change their frame of thought. They must seek help and there is a chance. Many people who are emotionally abusing don't think or know they are doing anything wrong. Some may be unaware of their behaviour as being unacceptable. There is still an opportunity for those individuals to receive help and also for those who received the emotional abuse.

Many children fall victim to this kind of abuse. In turn they relay their frustrations in anger and will express themselves negatively by hurting others because they themselves are hurt.

The word wants us not to fall victim to idle words. It specifically says:

Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 12:18 ESV
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.

James 1:26 ESV
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

1 Peter 3:10 ESV
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;

If you are feeling emotionally worn please call one of the numbers on this site or visit www.psycentral.com and seek help.

You can also look under your local yellow pages and seek help.