Verbal Abuse, how does it affect you.

VERBAL ABUSE
Verbal abuse may be defined as:
*Angry outburst
*Sarcasm
* Put-Downs
*Attack on natural and specific ability of person
*Name Calling
*Brain washing
*Manipulation and Controlling

 Verbal abuse of any kind of language meant to demean or otherwise harm or control the victim. 
Verbal abuse is difficult to pre-determine because it does stem into so many other forms of abuse and/or assault. Verbal abuse can start very light at first and can escalate into something much worse. The behaviour of an abuser may be very subtle but verbal abuse is serious and a victim may be harshly affected. If they are children they will become very withdrawn and will have difficulty in trusting those around them as they grow older.There should never be a point in a person's life to put down or verbal attack to get your point across. 

The encyclopedia defines that Verbal abuse is:
Verbal abuse (also known as reviling) is described as a negative defining statement told to the person or about the person or by withholding any response thus defining the target as non-existent. If the abuser doesn't immediately apologize and retract the defining statement, the relationship may be a verbally abusive one.^[1] A person of any gender, race, culture, sexual orientation, age, or size may experience verbal abuse. Typically, in couples or family relationships verbal abuse increases in intensity and frequency over time.^[1] After exposure to verbal abuse, victims may fall into clinical depression and/or post-traumatic stress disorder. The person targeted by verbal abuse over time may succumb to any stress related illness. Verbal abuse creates emotional pain and mental anguish in its target.

Despite being the most common form of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other types, because there is no visible proof and the abuser may have a "perfect" persona around others. In reality, however, verbal abuse can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse. If a person is verbally abused from childhood on, he or she may develop psychological disorders that plague them into and through adulthood.

Verbal abuse includes the following:^[4]

• countering
• withholding
• discounting
• abuse disguised as a joke
• blocking and diverting
• accusing and blaming
• judging and criticizing
• trivializing
• undermining
• threatening
• name calling
• chronic forgetting
• ordering
• denial of anger or abuse
• abusive anger

It's sad to assume that many children, teens and even adults have to withstand verbal abuse often in their lives and for many years before acknowledging that there is or was a problem. Many have been verbally abused for so long that they no longer see it as abuse. They start to make excuses for their abuser thus not knowing or otherwise becoming numb to the mental affect it is having on their lives. They will defend the fact their abuser is constantly metaphorically verbally abusing them and see their act as not personal because they have become numb to the severe verbal abuse.

At times we must bring verbal abuse to someone's attention to begin healing and stop the process in it's tracks so it does not become more severe and get out of hand. 

Kerby Anderson the author of the article Verbal abuse states:

 "Almost everyone has heard of, or knows of, someone who has been verbally abused. Perhaps you are involved in a verbally abusive relationship. It is also possible that no one even knows your circumstances. Verbal abuse is a kind of battering which doesn't leave evidence comparable to the bruises of physical battering. You (or your friend) may be suffering in silence and isolation.

In this article, I want to tackle this very important issue in an effort to understand this phenomenon and provide answers. Like any area of human action, it begins in the mind and heart. Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinks within himself, so he is." What a person thinks in his mind and heart will be reflected in his words and actions. Verbal abuse and physical abuse result from a world view that is clearly not biblical.

Verbal abuse is often more difficult to see since there are rarely any visible scars unless physical abuse has taken place. But it is often less visible simply because the abuse may always take place in private. The victim of verbal abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm. In public, the victim is with one person. While in private, the abuser may become a completely different person.

Frequently, the perpetrator of verbal abuse is male and the victim is female, but not always. There are many examples of women who are quite verbally abusive. But for the sake of simplicity of pronouns in this program, I will identify the abuser as male and the victim as female.

A Biblical Perspective of Verbal Abuse

The Bible clearly warns us about the dangers of an angry man. Proverbs 22:24 says, "Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man." And Proverbs 29:22 says, "An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression."

It is not God's will for you (or your friend) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.
Here are some key biblical principles. First, know that God loves you. The Bible teaches, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
Second, deal with your feelings of guilt. You may be feeling that the problems in your marriage are your fault. "If only I would do better, he wouldn't be so angry with me." The Bible teaches in Psalm 51:6 that "Surely You desire truth in the inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Even though you may have feelings of guilt, you may not be the guilty party. I would recommend you read my article on the subject of false guilt.{5}
A related issue is shame. You may feel that something is wrong with you. You may feel that you are a bad person. Psalms 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Finally, you should realize that you can be free from being a victim and agree with God that you can be free. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."A key element in this area of verbal abuse will no doubt be confrontation of the abuser. It's important for you to realize that confrontation is a biblical principle. Jesus taught about this in Matthew 18:15-20. I would recommend that you seek help from a pastor or counselor. But I would also recommend that you gather godly men and women together who can lovingly confront the person who is verbally abusing you. Their goal should be to break through his denial and lovingly restore him with a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1).
Verbal abuse is a difficult emotional problem, but there is hope if the abuser is willing to confront his sin and get help."