Why is Abuse so taboo in Christian society?

Let me begin this blog post by saying that I love being a Christian and love my relationship with my heavenly Father and the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for me. Just so that we can set the record straight that by looking at the title above anyone doesn't misunderstand my love for my heavenly Father. Sometimes we can be most of our lives in the church, in Sunday school, reading our bible and interpret the word of God totally and completely wrong. As I began my walk with my ex-husband many years ago, I found out that I always wanted to submit to him and to the word of God and wanted very much to make the word of God work in our marriage. Instead of vice-versa making the word of God work in me so that it would be an example and it would flow into my marriage. As I prayed, I began to see a pattern in my husband that began with emotional tendencies of emotional abuse and verbal abuse that manifested into physical violence. Since I have always been a people pleaser, I wanted nothing more than to please him and make my Heavenly Father in heaven happy. I never wanted a divorce, but as things got worst, I found myself fighting through bruises and pain to stay with him, and I brought my son into such deep and painful agony. Indeed these are things that I have felt such condemnation over, but I had to learn to release and finally learned to forgive myself and my abusers. Yes, you read those right abusers! See I fell into the same pattern most women fall into with both my 1st son and then my second son. Any them now redeemed and learn through wisdom and knowledge of behaviours and tendencies. I  am FREE, in a beautiful marriage now full of promise and love. But I learned the patterns of abuse and what never to get into again. I realised that I am worthy,  that a relationship is not about 50/50 but 100/100 each putting in their equal amount to love and to be loved, that each much talk and communicate and no partner must make the other feel like the other is less.  That we are like-minded and sympathetic1 Peter 3: 8, not paying back evil for evil or insulting one another - 1 Peter 3:9, for such, is the blessing of God. And that if we do good to our partners and love them, we would speak and do good to them especially if we want good days - 1 Peter 3:10. And we must talk peacefully and walk peacefully and pursue it- 1 Peter 3:11. Because the eyes of God are on the righteous and on those who do what is right and good in his sight - 1 Peter 3:12. See I always kept look at 1 Peter 3:1 that I should submit to my husband but never read on. I always thought, "WELL THOSE ARE MY CONDITIONS I BETTER DO THEM!!" but real men have so much more to they are to abide by. 1 Peter 3:7 

*Husbands*

1 Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

The word Honor means-high respect; high esteem. Adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct. regard with great respect.> fulfill (an obligation) or keep (an agreement).<

The word Understanding (greek gnōsis) means- sympathetic awareness or tolerance, sympathetically aware of other people's feelings; tolerant and forgiving. Strongs - knowledge signifies in general intelligence, understanding

1. the general knowledge of Christian religion
2. the deeper more perfect and enlarged knowledge of this religion, such as belongs to the more advanced
3. esp. of things lawful and unlawful for Christians
4. moral wisdom, such as is seen in right living

The word NEW LIFE-  Gen 2:7

Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person.

I would never want anyone's prayers to be hindered let alone my own, but I honestly felt a sense of dread to know I might be off with the Father. I wanted us blessed and our life blessed but the moment that he laid his hands on my body he broke that initial covenant with God. Focusonthefamily.com says, "The Hebrew word for "oath" is "shevah," meaning "to seven oneself" (In Gen 21:27 31, Abraham makes a treaty with Abimelech using seven ewe lambs, and they called the place "Beersheva," which means, "the place of the oath" or "the well of the sevens.")

If you don't have an oath, you don't have a covenant.

Another Hebrew word for oath is "I raise my hand" (See Deut 32:40ff). When we raise our hands in worship, for example, we are swearing an oath. We lift up God's name when we invoke God's name in an oath."

So we are invoking and swearing our marriage and giving it life but once we harm each other we break that oath, we break that covenant; especially when we do bodily, mental, emotional or spiritual harm. That is not to say God cannot fix what is not broken that is not true HE CAN DO MIRACLES...HE IS THE GOD OF MIRACLES. But, please do not stay through the bruises and pain; sometimes the door is opening to let you go through so that God can fix the issues with your significant other and make things better with you and your family. Trust me I would never want families broken, but God wants you better, your significant other better, your children happy and He wants to be satisfied with the outcome. Let him do the work, and he will work it out.  But for now, if you are going through something and you need help, please call a pastor, a leader or the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Be the judge ...Have they gone TOO FAR OR NOT FAR ENOUGH!

As I was scrolling through posts  of funny cat videos, Bible verses, inspirational talks, videos of inspirational speakers & sermons and gaining access of what was going on in my island of Puerto Rico. I got an amazing post sent to me from a great friend of mine named Amanda, by the way thanks Amanda. Anyways, she sent to me a video in which I'm not going to say the name but I will put the link youtubevideo below. Let's just say BK and in this link they have placed children actors to act one as a bully and one as being bullied. Then they bully a burger to see the reaction of customers . For about a consecutive period they have them bully a child for a long duration and of course the people kept looking at the child being bullied. I know it's reality but to have this going on for a while and then they had them punching a burger, Is it correct for advertisement sake?! I don't know, I felt some kind of discord and some kind of way. Why???, should they have put it in advertisement this way. Yes, I get they advertise the people sticking up for the child, which by the way were so minimal and they did have them answer questions about them speaking up for the child being bullied at the end.  But in other words they were just advertising about their burgers being bullied, tell me what is the Justice in that, I was angered and I was upset. So I leave you with this thought and you can comment below, you be the judge tell me what you think. Is it Justified what BK did or are they helping the cause for anti-bully relief and advocacy? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Let's never forget OCTOBER is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is

 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH

We never give light to those affected by this powerful and senseless act. Children and women (and even some men) are countlessly being abused by their loved ones. Many of us feel helpless to support them or don't even know the act of abuse is happening in many homes till its too late.

Elnora foundation is a wonderful foundation that gives hope, empowerment and love to those who have faced domestic violence.

Sun Oct.8, 2017 at 7:30am-12pm in 4200 S Four Mile Run Dr, Arlington, VA 22206 they 

 will be having their annual 5K Race for their amazing cause.

Please follow the link below to find out more about Elnora Foundation and what this phenomenal foundation is doing to help support domestic violence.

SO GET ..your sneaks out , sweats on and RUN, RUN, RUN TO HELP THOSE AFFECTED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!🌹 

click link below🔽 to learn more

ABUSE ITS NOT JUST INFLICTED BY OTHERS ....IT CAN BE SELF-INFLICTED!

DRUG ABUSE, LET'S TALK!

Although drug abuse is hardly ever talked about as a bullying issues. It definitely is a pathway for many to begin to do many different drugs (marijuana, ecstasy, barbiturates, heroin, cocaine and  many worst drugs). Believe it or not many young men and woman after facing many abuse and bullying issues they will definitely try to escape to drugs as a way to escape their abusers and many of their life issues. But as family members we must learn to notice many of these signs of drug addiction early. Their is HOPE and FREEDOM from drug addiction and abuse.

NEED HELP?

ADDICTED TO HEROIN?

THERE IS HOPE AND FREEDOM!

HOPE FOR HEROIN EVENT

Sponsored by Church on the Rock

Location= TBD

Date = September 25 - 26,2015

Please Visit my Clicking pic at top to be directed 

 to Facebook page

Drug Abuse Prevention: A School & Community Partnership by: Richard W. Wilson; Cheryl A. Kolander $3.59

Verbal Abuse, how does it affect you.

VERBAL ABUSE
Verbal abuse may be defined as:
*Angry outburst
*Sarcasm
* Put-Downs
*Attack on natural and specific ability of person
*Name Calling
*Brain washing
*Manipulation and Controlling

 Verbal abuse of any kind of language meant to demean or otherwise harm or control the victim. 
Verbal abuse is difficult to pre-determine because it does stem into so many other forms of abuse and/or assault. Verbal abuse can start very light at first and can escalate into something much worse. The behaviour of an abuser may be very subtle but verbal abuse is serious and a victim may be harshly affected. If they are children they will become very withdrawn and will have difficulty in trusting those around them as they grow older.There should never be a point in a person's life to put down or verbal attack to get your point across. 

The encyclopedia defines that Verbal abuse is:
Verbal abuse (also known as reviling) is described as a negative defining statement told to the person or about the person or by withholding any response thus defining the target as non-existent. If the abuser doesn't immediately apologize and retract the defining statement, the relationship may be a verbally abusive one.^[1] A person of any gender, race, culture, sexual orientation, age, or size may experience verbal abuse. Typically, in couples or family relationships verbal abuse increases in intensity and frequency over time.^[1] After exposure to verbal abuse, victims may fall into clinical depression and/or post-traumatic stress disorder. The person targeted by verbal abuse over time may succumb to any stress related illness. Verbal abuse creates emotional pain and mental anguish in its target.

Despite being the most common form of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other types, because there is no visible proof and the abuser may have a "perfect" persona around others. In reality, however, verbal abuse can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse. If a person is verbally abused from childhood on, he or she may develop psychological disorders that plague them into and through adulthood.

Verbal abuse includes the following:^[4]

• countering
• withholding
• discounting
• abuse disguised as a joke
• blocking and diverting
• accusing and blaming
• judging and criticizing
• trivializing
• undermining
• threatening
• name calling
• chronic forgetting
• ordering
• denial of anger or abuse
• abusive anger

It's sad to assume that many children, teens and even adults have to withstand verbal abuse often in their lives and for many years before acknowledging that there is or was a problem. Many have been verbally abused for so long that they no longer see it as abuse. They start to make excuses for their abuser thus not knowing or otherwise becoming numb to the mental affect it is having on their lives. They will defend the fact their abuser is constantly metaphorically verbally abusing them and see their act as not personal because they have become numb to the severe verbal abuse.

At times we must bring verbal abuse to someone's attention to begin healing and stop the process in it's tracks so it does not become more severe and get out of hand. 

Kerby Anderson the author of the article Verbal abuse states:

 "Almost everyone has heard of, or knows of, someone who has been verbally abused. Perhaps you are involved in a verbally abusive relationship. It is also possible that no one even knows your circumstances. Verbal abuse is a kind of battering which doesn't leave evidence comparable to the bruises of physical battering. You (or your friend) may be suffering in silence and isolation.

In this article, I want to tackle this very important issue in an effort to understand this phenomenon and provide answers. Like any area of human action, it begins in the mind and heart. Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinks within himself, so he is." What a person thinks in his mind and heart will be reflected in his words and actions. Verbal abuse and physical abuse result from a world view that is clearly not biblical.

Verbal abuse is often more difficult to see since there are rarely any visible scars unless physical abuse has taken place. But it is often less visible simply because the abuse may always take place in private. The victim of verbal abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm. In public, the victim is with one person. While in private, the abuser may become a completely different person.

Frequently, the perpetrator of verbal abuse is male and the victim is female, but not always. There are many examples of women who are quite verbally abusive. But for the sake of simplicity of pronouns in this program, I will identify the abuser as male and the victim as female.

A Biblical Perspective of Verbal Abuse

The Bible clearly warns us about the dangers of an angry man. Proverbs 22:24 says, "Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man." And Proverbs 29:22 says, "An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression."

It is not God's will for you (or your friend) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.
Here are some key biblical principles. First, know that God loves you. The Bible teaches, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
Second, deal with your feelings of guilt. You may be feeling that the problems in your marriage are your fault. "If only I would do better, he wouldn't be so angry with me." The Bible teaches in Psalm 51:6 that "Surely You desire truth in the inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Even though you may have feelings of guilt, you may not be the guilty party. I would recommend you read my article on the subject of false guilt.{5}
A related issue is shame. You may feel that something is wrong with you. You may feel that you are a bad person. Psalms 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Finally, you should realize that you can be free from being a victim and agree with God that you can be free. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."A key element in this area of verbal abuse will no doubt be confrontation of the abuser. It's important for you to realize that confrontation is a biblical principle. Jesus taught about this in Matthew 18:15-20. I would recommend that you seek help from a pastor or counselor. But I would also recommend that you gather godly men and women together who can lovingly confront the person who is verbally abusing you. Their goal should be to break through his denial and lovingly restore him with a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1).
Verbal abuse is a difficult emotional problem, but there is hope if the abuser is willing to confront his sin and get help."

When you have knowledge you can conquer anything...

Well everyone it was an exciting first day but let's keep the momentum going. We are going to talk about some issues and also some definitions in relation to violence.

As defined by many groups and the CDC the defined act of violence is:

Any violence that can be physical, sexual, emotional, mental, verbal or even stalking. 

Violence can have many outputs; some short examples are:

• Harmful behavior that starts early and continues into adulthood. Intentional use of force whether threatened or real, against person, group or community that can result in: injuries, deaths, psychological harm or deprivation by persons between ages of 10-24.
• As physical, verbal, and emotional or mental cruelty.
• The person can be either witness, the offender or the victim.
• Some violent acts result in: slapping, hurting, hitting, bullying. Some even have taken so far as to rob and assault (with or without a weapon)

In short many of these incidents can result into: anxiety, depression, injuries, long lasting disabilities and even suicide.

THESE ARE THE FORM OF VIOLENCE WE WILL DISCUSS IN LATER BLOGS:

• Physical Abuse 
• Sexual Abuse
• Emotional Abuse
• Psychological / Mental Abuse
• Stalking
• Verbal Abuse
• Bullying
• Cyder-Bullying

 WE WILL GO OVER EACH OF THESE EACH DAY.

I would love to hear any remarks, comments or if you need to share your story to be a help to someone else please comment. If you are in need of help please comment as well or call 1800 FYI CALL or the RUNAWAY HOTLINE at1-800-RUNAWAY(1-800-786-2929)